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To the tune of the baby blues…

 

Our little gem has finally arrived. After a few days at the hospital it's back to home sweet home, except things have gone a little off-track. My wife cracks up over the slightest things and cries hot tears. They say it's the baby blues! Not to panic: I have the solution!

Wednesday, November 8th, 2017

"My wife is sad and brooding", "She just burst into tears because I forgot to buy the cheese", "she called me in the middle of a meeting to tell me she was useless"… And I didn't even believe my friends! I said to myself "poor chaps, they didn't choose the right one". In fact, all women get the baby blues more or less.

What have I done now?

I know all about the baby blues and I've read up on it. It's simple, it's the hormones that are to blame. It would seem that symptoms vary among women: melancholy, mood swings, insomnia or lack of appetite… My luck's out there, she's got them all.

I was worried at first and I wondered if it was my fault and that I wasn't measuring up. Now that I know more about it I try not to feel guilty. It's not my fault, nor my partner's. Everythings fine really. If she feels depressed and not good enough then it's normal and temporary.

Even I get the baby blues and it is said that men can also get it through unconcious imitation. Yesterday I cried watching an animal documentary, can you imagine that? Dads that cry watching little bears play in the forest! But I won't tell her, it's between the bears and me. Sometimes she tells me that she feels fat and ugly. I can understand that. I went through a"phantom pregnancy" and I now need to lose 4 kilos!

What should I do?

My role is to help my partner get things back into perspective without minimizing her hormonal state. I don't dramatize and I try to reassure her by distracting her. I take every opportunity to lighten the atmosphere and to make her laugh. I have become a master in the art of jokes, pulling faces and surprising her. Yesterday I gave her a beautiful dress telling her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She cried. It was that incongruous and ridiculous that we couldn't stop laughing for about 20 minutes. There's never a bored moment at home these days.

I also make time for her to relax. When I mind our baby she can relax for an hour in the bath or go out with her friends, for a change of scenery. Yes I know, I am the perfect husband and by investing in my role as dad I help my wife in her role as mum, which gives her confidence. I think she just needs attention and to feel reassured.

 

Opinion

What about dad's baby blues?

It's not just mums that get the baby blues! An estimed 15% of fathers are also affected…

The reasons? They may vary: fear of new responsibilities, fear of not doing things properly, feeling of being neglected by their other half, mums demanding a lot from their partner…

The solutions? Taking the time to appropriate the new role. Suggest that your partner reassure you by small gestures to show that their attention is not just for baby... Don't isolate yourself, talk about your feelings! A psychologist may also be able to help if necessary.

Read more

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