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Just the three of you

 

You dreamed your baby up together and now they are there you are delighted, but your married life is quite frankly disrupted. How to move on from being a childless couple to being new parents, without forgetting yourselves.

Wednesday, November 8th, 2017

We are not born parents but become them and this unique occupation is the only occupation that cannot be learned! By becoming a mother and a father, we discover a new role. The couple needs rearranging, priorities change as do desires.

What a shake-up!

A baby at home is a life-changing experience. Not only because you need to change nappies or get up in the middle of the night to feed! The arrival of a baby also brings out feelings that you didn't know you had, and awakens your sensitivity, previously unheeded… It is only by living this experience that the scale of this upheaval can be measured.

Dad's also experience these changes, even though they are somewhat set aside during the first few weeks. You can however help them ease into their new role of father! It is therefore essential to transform the fusional relationship that you have with your child into a genuine three-way relationship: you, the father and your baby. For some helpful tips, visit the "Dad's" section. Also, don't forget the "Here's to Dad's" programme to help young fathers along in this beautiful adventure.

Questions abound when we become parents: will I measure up? Will I love my child? Does the maternal instinct really exist? And what about the paternal instinct? Such questions are only natural but you sometimes only need to look at baby to find the answer. After all, it is baby that teaches us how to become parents…

Genuine complementarity

It takes two to have a baby and ideally two to bring a baby up. The image of the pater familias, the father having authority over the family but never feeding or changing the baby is today a world away. "New dads" are even eligible for paternity leave (since 2002), the proof that the roles are and must be more effectively shared. Most dads are quite happy to take it on!

So make the most of the situation by relying on one another. At night for example, take turns to get up to see to baby… When one is tired, the other can take over to change baby or give baby a bath. Day by day, the three-way relationship is built.

What about the couple in all that?

When your baby arrives it is only natural to focus on them and to neglect your partner somewhat. However, make sure this doesn't last too long! Your married life will never be the same again, so why not take advantage of the opportunity to reinvent it together?

You do of course both have less time, but where there is a will there is a way! Take advantage of even the slightest occasion to give each other a massage or play sensual games. When baby is finally asleep there is nothing better than a bath to unwind...together of course. If you no longer have evenings out, what better than a dinner just one-to-one followed by a cosy and saucy evening!

Don't forget to ask the new grandparents to mind baby for an evening, they will be delighted.

 

Opinion

Mark, Ethan's dad

Before my wife fell pregnant I used to buy her underwear regularly. I continued to do this during the pregnancy and again since Ethan was born! I find her beautiful and desirable, and I want her to know that.

 

Amanda, Laura's mum

The best advice that my mother ever gave me: be a mum but don't forget to be a woman! Hairdressers, beauty salon, yoga, shopping… everything you liked doing before your daughter was born you should continue to do as often as possible.

Read more

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